You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
