I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
