it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
