I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
