My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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