you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
