my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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