so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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