im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
The cops high fived after they tackled you
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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