I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
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she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
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I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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