Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
