Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
