Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
