I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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