3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
