it's too hot outside to masturbate.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
