i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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