i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I forgot wine drunk hurts
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
