The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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