i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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