i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
