when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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