i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
