Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
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