Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
nutella sex= disaster
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Randomize
