That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
