There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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