Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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