Don't make out with my wife yet
i was born a porn star she said
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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