Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We left the knife in your bed.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
