I can't watch pbs sober anymore
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
