I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
