the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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