After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.