I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
25 Men Talk About the First Time They Went Down On A Woman
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
23 Ex Fraternity Brothers & Sorority Sisters Confess Their Most Insane Stories
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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