No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
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You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.