We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
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i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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