so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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