Texts From Last Night

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  (760): View more from California

  can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?

  (760): View more from California

  oh geez, wrong person.

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  (760): can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)? (760): oh geez, wrong person. http://tfl.nu/89mo
  Replies (7) Good night (1131) Bad night (647)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.

  (917): View more from New York City

  dollar well spent

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  (802): last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears. (917): dollar well spent http://tfl.nu/wmsi
  Replies (15) Good night (3242) Bad night (692)
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  (212): View more from New York

  I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.

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  (212): I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth. http://tfl.nu/x3q1
  Replies (13) Good night (6611) Bad night (785)
• Favorite

  (650): View more from California

  We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.

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  (650): We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag. http://tfl.nu/1x8m
  Replies (19) Good night (1398) Bad night (5236)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.

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  (360): Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink. http://tfl.nu/zpxh
  Replies (8) Good night (783) Bad night (1466)
• Favorite

  (240): View more from Maryland

  This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.

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  (240): This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room. http://tfl.nu/ruma
  Replies (4) Good night (1326) Bad night (483)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.

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  (315): After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was. http://tfl.nu/s812
  Replies (6) Good night (1024) Bad night (541)
• Favorite

  (905): View more from Ontario

  Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!

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  (905): Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good! http://tfl.nu/hwch
  Replies (1) Good night (888) Bad night (414)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's

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  (614): Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's http://tfl.nu/o9z1
  Replies (1) Good night (270) Bad night (464)
• Favorite

  (757): View more from Virginia

  She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.

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  (757): She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night. http://tfl.nu/eco5
  Replies (8) Good night (398) Bad night (1360)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.

  (562): View more from California

  I love my job.

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  (562): Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night. (562): I love my job. http://tfl.nu/bsab
  Replies (3) Good night (643) Bad night (232)
• Favorite

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Worth it.

  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth

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  (617): All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless (508): Worth it. (617): I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth http://tfl.nu/dnz7
  Replies (11) Good night (959) Bad night (565)
• Favorite

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.

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  (847): Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night. http://tfl.nu/o2i2
  Replies (1) Good night (544) Bad night (276)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?

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  (519): What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ? http://tfl.nu/ckpy
  Replies (1) Good night (232) Bad night (432)
• Favorite

  (440): View more from Ohio

  I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.

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  (440): I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon. http://tfl.nu/wsjo
  Replies (1) Good night (823) Bad night (204)

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