Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
