remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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