that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
