My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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