i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
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