bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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