I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
