My boss' voice literally gives me gas
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
