Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
