chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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