He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
