omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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