You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
