On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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