Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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