his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
