hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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