dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
