the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
