New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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