At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Blood and glitter go together right?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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