did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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