Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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