i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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