i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
