wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
