There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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