dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
