"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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