I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
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