thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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