Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
