I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
