Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
