Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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